I can't believe....

I have been researching the IDP camp situation on the internet, because while I was in Africa, we heard rumors that they were going to try and close all the camps by September. Well, since then, that has been moved to the end of year (I'm praying it will get bumped again, and therefore I'll see the children when I go back in January/Feburary time.) Well, during my research, I've stumbled upon some other interesting facts as well... like... Gulu, Uganda is currently in a "highly food insecure" status, and several other northern districts, as opposed to the rest of Uganda...

I've attached a blurb from an article I found:
A
WFP
food
security
needs
assessment
determined
that

1,022,285
people
in
northern
Uganda
(Amuru,
Gulu,
Kitgum,

and
Pader
districts)
are
highly
food
insecure.

In
August,
the

agency
began
distributing
a
onemonth,
onetime
food
ration

at
50
percent
of
the
recommended
daily
requirement.



I also discovered that Congo is now in the worst state ever... the LRA is continuing their attacks on the Congolese, and have now displaced over 500,000 people, 125,000 in the last 3 weeks along. This is ridiculous. Joseph Kony has to be stopped.

* There have been increasing, though unconfirmed, reports that the Sudanese military has renewed its support to LRA forces and other militias operating in South Sudan, possibly with the intention of destabilizing the region ahead of upcoming national elections and a South Sudan referendum on independece....

When you read about the blurb above, it's so irritating that people don't see that this is a genocide taking place. The LRA don't need MORE forces, they need their forces to be STOPPED. They kill, kidnap, destroy lives, rape women, brainwash children, rip apart families and don't care. Sudan needs to stop focusing so much on politics, and began focusing on the real issue... and that's Joseph Kony and the LRA.

I decided to purchase some books on the subject and am waiting on them to arrive. I would love to be able to share them, and if you're interested, please let me know and I will ship them to you. The more people know of the situation, the more likely Kony can be stopped. It literally breaks my heart to see these children barely surviving and the target to such horrific crimes.

Please visit http://therescue.invisiblechildren.com/en/#/watch/
I'm warning you though, it'll break your heart... but maybe then, you'll understand why I want so bad to go back and give myself to this community.

Open the eyes of my heart Lord

In Africa, one of the things that really touched my heart, was doing our morning devotions as a team. One morning, Adam brought the devotion from a line in the song "Hosanna". It's one of my favorite songs actually, and it was pretty awesome that God spoke to him, what God had also spoken to me just weeks before leaving for Africa. "Break my heart for what breaks Yours" - those are the lyrics that gripped me throughout the entire trip. It became my prayer, however, it also became the reason I hurt. Everytime I looked in a child's eyes, everytime I held a small hand, everytime I saw the hunger, not only for food, but for love and affection, my heart was broken. I felt as though it shattered into a million pieces. When the time came for me to say goodbye, especially to Patience, I was heart broken, devastated, and really wondering "God, why does it hurt so much?"

After much prayer and contemplation, I feel that I have a partial answer. In order for me to be broken before Him, I have to experience intense compassion for these children. In order for me to go through this transformation that has been taking place in my life, I have to be at a point in my life where I'm willing to sacrifice everything in order to touch the robe of His garment. That's what it's about. Laying everything down, being broken and naked before Him, stripped of our possessions, our support systems, because these are the things that make it easy for us to turn our heads the other way. But I had asked to have my eyes opened, to see what breaks God's heart and for Him to allow it to break mine... and that's exactly what happened. My eyes were opened to the things of the world and the things of the Lord. I saw things in this world that are horrible, that can make you cry, that make you angry; but then I saw the hope, the joy, and the victory too.

My purpose is to love those that are not loved by others; to have an understanding heart when others cannot understand, as Simon says "to be a mother to thousands". I've never known my calling to be more clear than it is now, and to think that it began with a simple prayer - to be broken before God, and to have the eyes of my heart opened. I will pursue this calling with everything I have. There will be times of struggle, there will be times when I can't believe how difficult it is, and there will be times when I will have to make very tough decisions regarding my life, my family and friends, my purpose and what I'm willing to sacrifice in order to do what I was born to do. I feel that I have already begun this time in my life, and I pray that God give me the strength, wisdom and peace to persevere. He is the only reason I live, He is the only reason I want to live, and therefore, nothing else matters.

Scriptures that have been ministering to my heart lately:

Proverbs 3: 5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge the Lord, and He will make straight your paths."

Psalm 147: 3-5, "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars, he gives to all of them their names. Great is our Lord and abundant in power; his understanding is beyond measure."

Psalm 34: 4-7, "I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to Him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. This poor man cried and the Lord heard him, and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him and delivers them."

Yesterday, today and tomorrow

Wow... I don't even know where to begin! Yesterday I went four wheeling/mudding with some friends... now, this was my first time. So I didn't exactly know what to wear, what to bring, etc. etc. I was excited though... yay - I was going to get muddy! :)

Well, the day starts out nice, I meet Donna and Ed at their place, talked to Simon for a little bit on the phone, had breakfast/lunch on the way over to River Ranch... and once we got to the site, I even drove the ATV around with Wally... and I figured it out! Then Wally took me around, and it was a blast! After a little bit we decided we were going to go ahead and go out riding since the people meeting us weren't there yet... so we left a note and off we go!

OH.... MY..... GOSH......

Little did I know, that soon I would be gripping on for dear life, swinging back and forth and being catapulted into the air. It was really fun though, and I thought to myself... I got this, I can do this. Then, Ed gets lost. We end up in a swamp that is up to my butt sitting in the four wheeler... and we are treading water, and all of a sudden something under the water has grabbed my foot... and by grabbed, I don't mean with a hand... I mean it's more than something just brushed up against me... and it was hard, and then all of a sudden my flip flop is gone!!! And I'm screaming and laughing so hard at the same time, that no one can understand me. After we're in the swamp, for what feels like 20 minutes and we do not see any dry ground... we finally see more shallow water, so we go for that, and then we begin to people - yay!!! Civilization!! So we head for that area and ask them how to get to the swimming hole, and they're like go down there, take a right once you see the fork in the road, there's a big tree, then follow that path until you see another path.. oh dear I thought, this is not going to turn out well... the vaguest instructions EVER. We take a potty break in the woods, and then head out on the rest of the adventure... the place we wanted was sooo far away and we went over sooo many holes, bumps, rivers, ponds... I can't even begin to tell you. It was a blast though... that is, until we got stuck in a mud hole up to my stomach. I'm like "WALLY!!! YOU GOT US STUCK!!!!!!" So we had to get off, Ed had to get the pully out, get us out of the water, and THEN it wouldn't start... so Donna and I just watched them try to get this thing going for like 10 minutes. In the meantime, I have my phone with me, because I have been taking pictures to document my first mudding experience... and I've been so good with it. I had it safely tucked in my bra, so everytime I was done with it, I'd put it back. I took pics of us being stuck, of the water levels, etc. Well we get back on the trail, and we're on our way to the swimming hole.. at this time, my inner thighs are beginning to burn from squeezing them so much around the body of the ATV because I'm straddling Wally's seat, because I'm not on the seat... I'm on these bars on the back on the seat (this wasn't made to have a passenger), so in the process of going through all the bumps and holes, I'm only gripping the bars beneath my legs, and squeezing my legs so tight, around the seat in front of me, so I don't fall off. We finally get to the swimming hole, and Ed is like "Come on Brooke, come jump off the rope swing..." and I'm like nah.. and he's like oh come on, don't be chicken... so then I had to go because he dared me. So I'm being careful to take off Donna's flip flops (since the sand was so hot I was using hers), I took off my sunglasses and my hat.. and I get on the swing... all of a sudden, I let go prematurely because I remembered my phone... and then I scream "MY PHONE!!!!" and let go of the rope. Well, because I was airborne, and my BACK was facing the water, not my feet, my shirt flew up over my head and twisted within itself... so I'm still screaming when I hit the water, and I go under, swallow tons of nasty murky water, and then my shirt is up over my head, and I'm flashing everyone my bra... I'm freaking out, because I'm one of the most conservative people, and I'm trying to pull my shirt down, but it's twisted, so then I try to get my phone... and in the meantime, I'm under the water doing all this. I finally rise to the surface and Donna is like omg Brooke... needless to say, it was quite an adventure at the swimming hole... then I got out, and began to dry some, tried to lay my phone out to dry out, it's definitely dead. So then, Donna and I just hang out for a while waiting on the boys, and when the time comes to leave, I try to give her shoes back to her, and she's like nah, it's okay, you can keep them since the spikes are hurting your feet. So we are on our way back to the camp now... and this time, because Wally is more comfortable, and we're now with 2 more people (the friends we were waiting on met us at the swimming hole), he starts going a lot faster than he did on the way to the hole... and so I'm really gripping the bars. I can begin to feel blisters forming on my hands at this point, and I'm like wow, I am really sore already. My whole body was tense. Thenymy hat almost flew off my head, so I'm trying to tuck my hat on tightly, while adjusting my sungasses, and holding on for dear life. Wally, goes over a series of really intense bumps, at like 18 or 20 mph, which is fast for this thing, and all of a sudden, I am no longer on the bars... my butt is airborne, my legs spread eagle in the air, and one flip flop goes flying off into the water. I am laughing so hard at this point, just the irony of losing another shoe, this time the opposite foot, and I'm yelling at wally, remember theres a passenger on this thing!!! And he turns around to try to hear what I'm saying and doesn't see the other bump, so then I go airborne again, and the other show flies off my foot... I really have no idea how I was able to hold on in the midst of all of this, because I'm laughing so hard at this point, and holding out my feet so Donna can see I don't have shoes... AGAIN. Wow.

So, we begin on our journey again, this time, we're starting to get into deeper water, so every time we begin to tread, I am leaning back pretty far, so we can distribute the weight properly and go up when we hit the gas. Then, we go through this area of really deep water, Ed makes it through, so Wally goes behind him.. and WE GOT STUCK FOR A SECOND TIME!!! I was just getting dry and now have no shoes... and I'm walking around in this mud lol. It was such a sight, I'm sure, and yet I'm just cracking up at all of it... finally we figure out that we're lost again, and have to get back to the right path, so we do this, after Ed has to pee for the 8th time... and no that is not an exaggeration. And this time, the ground was more even, so Wally is going faster... I swear, I had more dirt on me, and I mean EVERYWHERE, than what was on the ground... it was crazy. We finally got back to the camp, I'm shoeless, phoneless, have a few more blisters and sore muscles than I went with, but in the end, tt was a blast. I yelled at myself for being an idiot about my phone, but really, it was a great day. I came home last night, got a new phone (it's pink!), and woke up this morning more sore than I have been in a LONGGGGG time. I worked muscles yesterday that don't typically feel pain... like my neck muscles (from being tense I think), the palms of my hands are bruised from gripping the bars so tightly, and the blisters on my hands HURT like you wouldn't believe. My legs are sore from squeezing them around the seat and using them to make sure I had control over my body while being airborne, my back hurts from leaning over all day on the ATV, and my stomach muscles hurt because I was laughing so much, shouting, and tightening my muscles everytime we hit a bump - and there were a lot of bumps. So, all in all, it was a great day with a great workout. I'm ready to go again... in like 2 weeks. haha. I'm attached photos of this monumental occasion!

Oh wow, today was crazy! Work is either really slow or really busy... NO in between... what's up with that? However, it was a great day! Our office is in the process of moving locations, and it's insane how much stuff I've accumulated in 4 years... wow! I already have 3 boxes of junk, and it still looks like someone lives there haha. So... my goal next week is to get it all done by Tuesday so that I'm not pushing the deadline of Thursday... geez, deadlines. I'm really excited because I haven't been able to spend time with Bethany since last Sunday, so we're going to IHOP and to see G.I. Joe with Tyler tonight. Tomorrow I get to play in the mud! I am going 4 wheeling with Donna, Ed and Ed's son Wally... and I've never been before, so this is going to be either pass or fail for me, but fun, nonetheless. By the way, this is completely random, but is it possible for hair to get thicker as you get older? I have tried putting my hair in ponytails today and in the process, have two broken ponytail holders... what in the world?!
Today I had another worship session at my desk all day at work, and it was amazing. At lunch, I read the bible, and have two verses for encouragement for someone, but they encouraged me also. They are Proverbs 3:5-6 and Psalm 138: 7-8. I have found that my lunch time has really become a great time for me to read, because it's short enough that I can read a little and ponder on what I've read, and long enough that I actually have the time to do both of those things, and listen to worship music. I have begun reading the bible from the very beginning, and would like to read all the way through by February 1st. I was able to get through 5 more chapters in Genesis today, and read about Sarai and Abram. It still amazes me how great of a God we serve...

My love encounter with God!

As I’m writing this blog, I am having one of the most real love encounters with God I’ve ever experienced. I literally cried reading Genesis chapters 1-5 because of how much he showed He loved us. I have this intense love in my heart for God, whom is jealous over me. I find myself typing lyrics to songs I’ve known my whole life, and being dumbfounded at how in love He is with us. I want nothing more than to mirror that love of His, with my own. It’s amazing, when you’re pursuing God with everything you have, everything you are and everything you want to be, there really isn’t anything else you want. There’s this constant passion to know Him more and constantly be in His presence. The only way I can describe what I’m feeling is like a love affair. A love affair with my Lord.
All my life I’ve struggled with low self-esteem and not feeling worthy. However, over the past several months, God has been working on me in this area. He doesn’t create anything less than wonderful. In the last 5 weeks, I have been so enamored with Him, that my life is forever changed. I feel beautiful, lovely, desired, all because of this Bridegroom. I know that in His eyes, I am beautiful. He CHOSE me for a purpose, and no one can fulfill that purpose like I can, because he has given me all the tools and instructions in order to do so. He wants a relationship with me… a personal, passionate and pleasing relationship with me. I’ve undergone a paradigm shift, and I never want to be what I was before. I never realized how lukewarm I had become, until I felt THIS way. Even now, there are tears in my eyes, as I feel the presence of the Lord, while sitting at my desk at work. I’ve been having a personal revival all morning while listening to worship music!
The fact that he wants to have this type of relationship with me, someone who is a sinner, a fallen creature, and so unworthy of all He gives, is awesome, and yet I am so grateful for it all. He gives and takes away, and I am thankful for both, because I cannot imagine where I may be today, had I not been rescued by my Savior!
Some people reading this may have never experienced this before, and all I can say to that is, I am so sorry, because honey, you’re missin’ out! I have never felt more alive than I do right now. I find myself being so excited about opportunities to witness. Two days after I got home from Africa, this Brighthouse cable guy shows up at my house and says, I’m here to pick up your equipment that you called and requested to be picked up. I was very confused and said I never requested anything to be picked up, I just got back from being in Africa and haven’t done much of anything since being back… and he said well we received a call from someone about picking up a box and modem. In the midst of confusion, this guy says “Oh, so you were in Africa? Wow, that’s awesome, what did you do there?” And I told him everything about my trip that I could in 15 minutes. He literally sat on my doorstep and just stared into space for a minute. When he looked at me, there was such a look of longing in his eyes… and he said to me, “The last few weeks I’ve really been feeling weird, like I’ve been missing something, an emptiness, and I didn’t know why or what it was… but after you just told me about your trip, and what God did with you, I feel like God is trying to tell me something. Maybe I was supposed to be here today to hear this, maybe I’m not following Him like I should… I just don’t know.” And then I prayed with him and invited him to church. He may never come, but I know that I planted a seed, and that’s what I am – a seed planter. And to think, I almost didn’t answer my door because I didn’t feel like talking or seeing anyone… I would have missed that opportunity! And since then, I have had several opportunities to at least speak about what God did on my trip, and then go into what He is doing in me. How wonderful it is to embrace these opportunities instead of letting them pass me by. I really just don’t know how I ever functioned before. And what’s strange is, I’ve been a Christian since I was 5, I have always loved Jesus, I’ve always followed Him, I’ve always been surrounded by Christians, but I’ve never felt THIS. I have not had the desire to listen to anything but worship music, I’ve always been an avid reader and have not had any interest in books other than my bible… I know now that I am awake after a long slumber, and I do not want to ever sleep through my life again. I’m thrilled about what God has in store for me, for my life, my ministry, my future husband, my future children, and my legacy. I want to leave a legacy, a way for my family to remember me. I’m not perfect, but I want to be… blemish free and without stain. I want to be pure and holy, preserving myself only for God and His will in my life. His blessings are abundant and His love everlasting – how much better can it get?! I really can’t think of anything greater…
In the near future I will be posting more about Africa and what God did, in me, the team and the children. It’s so exciting!

So I finally created a blog... my reason for doing so? I found that while I was in Africa, though I love to write, and journaling is important to me, I type a lot faster, and my brain tends to be much quicker than my fingers when writing... I also hope that I will be able to share bits and pieces of myself, my life and my heart, with those that do not live close to me, and one day, to share even more with those that may not know me. This will be my playground... the place I go to at the end of the day to think, write and assemble my thoughts and feelings. This is where I plan on drawing even closer to my Lord and Savior and those around me. So... here's to new beginnings, memories, a future and loved ones!