My love encounter with God!

As I’m writing this blog, I am having one of the most real love encounters with God I’ve ever experienced. I literally cried reading Genesis chapters 1-5 because of how much he showed He loved us. I have this intense love in my heart for God, whom is jealous over me. I find myself typing lyrics to songs I’ve known my whole life, and being dumbfounded at how in love He is with us. I want nothing more than to mirror that love of His, with my own. It’s amazing, when you’re pursuing God with everything you have, everything you are and everything you want to be, there really isn’t anything else you want. There’s this constant passion to know Him more and constantly be in His presence. The only way I can describe what I’m feeling is like a love affair. A love affair with my Lord.
All my life I’ve struggled with low self-esteem and not feeling worthy. However, over the past several months, God has been working on me in this area. He doesn’t create anything less than wonderful. In the last 5 weeks, I have been so enamored with Him, that my life is forever changed. I feel beautiful, lovely, desired, all because of this Bridegroom. I know that in His eyes, I am beautiful. He CHOSE me for a purpose, and no one can fulfill that purpose like I can, because he has given me all the tools and instructions in order to do so. He wants a relationship with me… a personal, passionate and pleasing relationship with me. I’ve undergone a paradigm shift, and I never want to be what I was before. I never realized how lukewarm I had become, until I felt THIS way. Even now, there are tears in my eyes, as I feel the presence of the Lord, while sitting at my desk at work. I’ve been having a personal revival all morning while listening to worship music!
The fact that he wants to have this type of relationship with me, someone who is a sinner, a fallen creature, and so unworthy of all He gives, is awesome, and yet I am so grateful for it all. He gives and takes away, and I am thankful for both, because I cannot imagine where I may be today, had I not been rescued by my Savior!
Some people reading this may have never experienced this before, and all I can say to that is, I am so sorry, because honey, you’re missin’ out! I have never felt more alive than I do right now. I find myself being so excited about opportunities to witness. Two days after I got home from Africa, this Brighthouse cable guy shows up at my house and says, I’m here to pick up your equipment that you called and requested to be picked up. I was very confused and said I never requested anything to be picked up, I just got back from being in Africa and haven’t done much of anything since being back… and he said well we received a call from someone about picking up a box and modem. In the midst of confusion, this guy says “Oh, so you were in Africa? Wow, that’s awesome, what did you do there?” And I told him everything about my trip that I could in 15 minutes. He literally sat on my doorstep and just stared into space for a minute. When he looked at me, there was such a look of longing in his eyes… and he said to me, “The last few weeks I’ve really been feeling weird, like I’ve been missing something, an emptiness, and I didn’t know why or what it was… but after you just told me about your trip, and what God did with you, I feel like God is trying to tell me something. Maybe I was supposed to be here today to hear this, maybe I’m not following Him like I should… I just don’t know.” And then I prayed with him and invited him to church. He may never come, but I know that I planted a seed, and that’s what I am – a seed planter. And to think, I almost didn’t answer my door because I didn’t feel like talking or seeing anyone… I would have missed that opportunity! And since then, I have had several opportunities to at least speak about what God did on my trip, and then go into what He is doing in me. How wonderful it is to embrace these opportunities instead of letting them pass me by. I really just don’t know how I ever functioned before. And what’s strange is, I’ve been a Christian since I was 5, I have always loved Jesus, I’ve always followed Him, I’ve always been surrounded by Christians, but I’ve never felt THIS. I have not had the desire to listen to anything but worship music, I’ve always been an avid reader and have not had any interest in books other than my bible… I know now that I am awake after a long slumber, and I do not want to ever sleep through my life again. I’m thrilled about what God has in store for me, for my life, my ministry, my future husband, my future children, and my legacy. I want to leave a legacy, a way for my family to remember me. I’m not perfect, but I want to be… blemish free and without stain. I want to be pure and holy, preserving myself only for God and His will in my life. His blessings are abundant and His love everlasting – how much better can it get?! I really can’t think of anything greater…
In the near future I will be posting more about Africa and what God did, in me, the team and the children. It’s so exciting!